Adventures in Japan

Addendum

I seriously need to weigh myself. I know that I have lost weight, all my clothes are telling me so, but I want to see if Costco is going to plump me back up. Saw a fair few fat white people in the Costco. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Our Sunday was interesting. We went into town to buy an air conditioner. We didn't end up buying one. Instead we met Ben at The Hub for some happy hour drinks.

Happy hour ended and we were going to leave soon when a Japanese gentleman brought a round of Coronas to our table. We thanked him and joined him at his table, it was the polite thing to do. In retrospect, maybe not the best course of action. He would not stop buying us drinks. He had lived in Canada for a while, Kimberly to be specific, and was keen to speak some English. The girls at his table mainly just giggled.

Have I mentioned that he just kept buying drinks? Because he did. There were some shots in there. Some tequila. A shot of gin. I don't know why. I also don't know for sure how the evening ended. I woke up in my own bed the next day, so that was nice. I was still drunk, which was less so.

We did manage to buy an air conditioner on Monday. It will be installed this weekend. Looking forward to that. Just a few more bits and pieces and our apartment will be all set.

Come and visit if you like.

There's a really good Korean place like a minute's walk from our door.

Our weight is about to double

Osaka has a lot of shopping arcades. It's also got a huge underground complex of shops & restaurants. And let's not forget all the huge department stores and multi-story electronic superstores. Well today, for the first time in about nine months (I can't believe that's how long we've been here!) we found ourselves in what I consider to be a proper, western-style shopping mall. Other than the fact that it was full of Japanese shoppers, I suppose.

The mall had kind of a French theme, probably because most of the second floor was occupied by a Carrefour, a big French chain. The Carrefour also had a very western feel, although I can't exactly say why. Maybe it was a combination of selection, layout, and lighting. Or perhaps it was the quaint Parisian music piped through the store. A refreshing change from the constantly looping marching band jingles we hear in all other big stores.

We poked around the mall for a while, occasionally forgetting we were in Japan, before we made our way next door to our intended destination: Costco.

Bulk food, how we've missed you! Vehicle to cart home all the bulk food that we bought, how we miss you now! Giant jar of pickles, why won't you fit our fridge?

Just like the French mall, the Costco felt like a little piece of home. Same big carts, same crowds descending on the free samples, same long lines at the checkout, same cookies in the bakery. Except the cookies are at least twice the price of the ones at home. I have no idea why. The clothes are surprisingly expensive, too. Surprising a) because it's Costco, and b) because clothes in Japan are, generally speaking, pretty cheap. Also, this Costco had a sushi section, and liquor next to the vegetables.

So we bought mostly junk today, no proper groceries per se, and managed to bring it all home with us on the bus/train. Next time we may spring for delivery, maybe one of those giant barbecues, or a trampoline...

With Gas

It's nice to be cooking again. I've made steaks, rice, potatoes, rice, pizzas, rice, curry, rice, cold noodles... I've made a fair bit of rice. I have no idea how to make rice.

But still, I like our kitchen. I like having more than one burner. I like being able to turn around without knocking something over. I really like not having to worry about dropping food on our shoes while cooking.

Won't eat there again even if they are giving away collectable Pingu spoons

While we're on the topic of weird food experiences...

We ate at a Japanese Denny's the other day. Can't really say it was much like the North American Denny's, other than the food was overpriced and not very good.

If you go in there expecting breakfast, you will be sorely disappointed. Unless you go in the morning, I suppose. But even then your only western-style breakfast option is scrambled eggs, sausage & toast. No omelettes. No Grand Slams. No nuthin'. Just fish, rice & soup, and various combinations thereof. Why they bother to use the Denny's name at all is beyond me.

So. No breakfast. What did we eat then? I think Tyler had curry, which musn't have been too memorable because I don't really remember it, and I had the Pao Pao! Soup-less Tantan Noodles. Next to it on the menu was a little picture that looked something like this:


I took that to mean that the dish was spicy. "Odd choice," I thought, "Why not some chili peppers or flames or something?" As it turned out, that was almost exactly the face that I made while I choked down the noodles. They weren't awful, but they certainly weren't good. They had kind of a funky smell, like something in the sauce had gone a little off and that maybe it was going to make me sick. I ate it anyway.

The noodles came piled in the centre of a lake of chili oil & something dark, dark brown. I sensed trouble, and was being very careful not to make a mess, yet somehow I managed to splatter sauce on my shirt before I'd even had my first taste. I didn't see it happen, and neither did Tyler, but there it was, a bright orange stain on the front of my brand new shirt.

To add insult to injury, the waitress saw me trying to clean the spot off my shirt and brought me a fork and spoon because obviously I didn't have a clue how to use chopsticks. The fork & spoon combination turned out to be terribly cumbersome, but I took my time and ate very carefully (it's not hard to eat slowly when you're not enjoying the food). Tyler was about to congratulate me on not soiling myself further when he noticed another, even larger spot. Once again, neither of us saw how it got there.

That stuff was pure evil.

The More you Know...

"Breakfast Steak" means ungodly SPAM-like concoction. I does not mean really thick, delicious bacon steaks.

Watch out for that synthetic preservation fee

These are the shutters over the window of a particularly popular crêperie in the particularly popular Shinsaibashi shopping arcade.


It hurts my brain. I'm also a little bothered that they don't spell crêpe consistently. I mean, it's one of the THREE WORDS in the NAME OF THE BUSINESS, but whatever.

Crape indeed.

Work

Figured I should fill you in a little more about my job. I work in Settsumotoyama. I know you've heard all the rumours. And I'm here to tell you that most of them are true. Yes, it is an area of town with a lot of money. Near everyone in Settsumotoyama looks and smells great. The streets are all clean, there's tonnes of pricey restaurants selling delicious foods; it's all quite nice.

And yes, one of the drawbacks is the wild boars (or is the plural of boar still boar?). To be fair, they have posted signs.


Which they didn't need to do. I mean, they have their hands pretty full all ready, what with the rabid crab epidemic.


Today at work was... meh. I got drooled on. I saw it coming too. But I couldn't move, as I was pinned down by three two year olds. I just laughed it off. What else could I do? I mean, they're two years old! And they're learning English! Man, Sesame Street was way over my head when I was two. I didn't laugh so much when they started breaking off pieces of the whiteboard and jabbing me with said pieces.

Back to the boars and crabs, the warning signs are all posted along the canals. There are numerous canals in Settsumotoyama. Here is what they look like.


Not all that exciting, I know, but please keep in mind that Japan is not a big country. It needs all the space it can get. So all that canal space must be necessary on a regular basis. Those canals ain't small. Rainy season is coming soon. I'm a little worried. There's going to be a lot of water involved.


This is an arty shot I took whilst avoiding crabs and boars. I always find time for art.


Wanna see lotsa bikes? Come to Japan.

And now, as a special treat, here is some Engrish:


I used this restroom. Someone totally checked my goods.

Hard Biscuit!

It is the biscuit with which the resistance to the teeth which built the delicacy of wheat carefully became brave. Have the delicious and great biscuit which colors your table gaily pleasing.

Too astonished to eat

Okay. We just heated something else in the new microwave, and I think it might have played a different song this time. Words fail me. Except these ones.

OMG!

Our new microwave that is also an oven? It totally plays a little song when our food is done. None of that stone-aged beeping for us! From now on it's musical dining all the way.

I love Japan.

Relative Peace and Quiet

I say relative because there are still trains going by all the time and the construction is nowhere near done, but the election is over.

There was an election in the city we now live in. I have no idea if it was for mayor or what, all I know is that it was loud. There are two main ways of campaigning in this country, at least as far as we can tell. One is to load up a car with happy, waving people, throw a loudspeaker on top of the car and let them go to town.

The other is to have a person, or two persons, or a group of people stand near a populous area and scream your candidate's name over and over again. I really don't know how effective these methods are.



This is a board showing all the candidates. Even though the happy, smiling people smiled and waved at me, I was not able to vote in this election. At first I was going to vote for this guy...


Because, hey, he was the only one in a wheelchair. And, as the gripping documentary Ironside proved, people in wheelchairs are excellent at solving mysteries (which is what being the Mayor is all about). But then I saw this guy.


How can you not vote for hot pink Karaoke guy? That's right, you can't. Not. You can't not vote for this guy. Dad? You should totally steal this guy's idea. Next election, you should be the bright pink Karaoke candidate.

Also, Carla and I have made an interesting discovery. It's hard to save money when you keep going out and drinking. We don't mean to go out all the time and drink too much, but people keep inviting us out. And we are just too darn nice to say no. Last night we drank three Strongbulls each, ate some curry and then went off to play free pool. If Carla drinks three Strongbulls, she starts to take pictures. It's science.


This is a really good curry shop. Just watch your head.


Put 3 Strongbulls in Carla, and this is what you end up with. I do not say that in a mocking way. I take pictures of lights when I'm drunk all the time.


This is The Balabushka. Nice bar. Free pool as long as you buy a drink. Pretty sweet deal. The place is a fair bit bigger than most other Japanese bars we've been in, and it's never too busy.


I have to caption all the pictures I post to this site, even though you, at home, never get to see said caption. The caption for this pic was 'Spooky Cool Carla' and that about sums it up I reckon. See, we sometimes (read: almost never) post pictures of us.


And here's my little shark in action.


And this would be me, totally pooling it up!


Carla took this shot, I can take no credit for it.


I did take this shot however. Look, it's totally a drunken picture of a light. See, I told you that's the kind of picture I take when drunk. Just like Carla. It's true love.


Ben in action. For reasons unknown, he seemed able to beat us easily.


David showed up near the end and got a game in. For reasons unknown, he was also much better at pool than either Carla or myself.

After all that, Carla and I went home and watched some Lost. Man, the internet is great!

At least it's not a gooey pink liquid

Recently we've been seeing commercials for a brand of diapers called Goo.n. In these commercials they demonstrate the absorbancy of the diapers with a creamy pink fluid not unlike Pepto Bismol. I find the thought of creamy baby urine, how shall I say, disturbing. Apparently the Japanese do not.

Outrageous Facts About Kimber

Now that the internet is back, and we are once again ensconced in it's warm glow, we called home to touch base.

It seems there is some confusion as to our dog situation. Which is not what I intended at all!

Before we get to the pictures, let me fill you in on Kimber's progress: she can sit, lie down, lie on her side, roll on to her back, bark, sneeze, yawn, shake and stretch on our command. She is in the process of learning how to jump, stand up, and do a handstand on command. She and I placed first in a Frisbee contest and we both quite enjoy our daily walks together.

Enough with the words. Here are some pictures.


This is a nice profile shot of Kimber. What a cute little doggie.


This is a shot of Kimber when she wants to shake. She likes to play.


This here is Kimber looking a bit constipated. I'll have you know that I always clean up after her when she does a poo during our walks.


This is Kimber on her back, note the lovely flower.


Here is a better shot of the flower. I think it brings out her eyes.


This is Kimber in a toque, also known as a 'knit' to some.


Kimber in a Tam, also known as a beret to some.


And finally Kimber in her reading glasses.

You've probably noticed a few things form these shots. One, Kimber is the bestest doggie in the whole world. And two, we have been having problems figuring out how to turn off the smoke machine.

Japan: Not Guilty By Reason of Insanity

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, please answer this simple question: would any sane country both create and consume this!?!?!?


This is the latest ensemble triple mille feuille pizza. Take a good close look.


Shrimp you say. Not a bad idea you say, but they are merely lulling you in to a false sense of security.


I don't trust shellfish from a fancy restaurant. Ain't no way I'm touching minimum wage scallops.


I'm all for cheese, though. Cram as much of that in there as you can.


Urchin? No. I'll allow tuna on a pizza, eggs on a pizza, broccoli, corn, mayonnaise even, but I draw the line at sea urchin.


Truffles? Dude, I am so there!

Remember: If Chewbacca's a Wookie, you must acquit.

Also available in pink

Gosh guys, what's it like to live in Amagasaki?

Well, for one thing, the seats on the city buses are really cute.

Easier than mailing out a bunch of cards

In case anyone really, really wants to mail us something at our fabulous new address, here it is:

Heights Tommy 302
1-9-7 Tachibana-cho
Amagasaki, Hyogo 661-0025
JAPAN

Direct marketing materials will go straight into the bin. Right alongside the flyers advertising the services of ladies of questionable virtue. We've been getting a few of those lately. Classy.

Information Superhighway, how we've missed you

As you may have gathered, we're back online. Huzzah! Our fridge was delivered this morning and our stove should be coming this afternoon. Huzzah! We've also got a light fixture and a vacuum cleaner. Huzzah! As soon as we sort out a way to hang our clothes so we don't have to keep them in piles on the floor, we'll have a real home. We are very, very excited. Huzzah!

We should probably post some pictures of the new apartment, but we don't really have any, other than the ones we took when we first looked at the place.

Here's our empty kitchen & hallway.


And here's our empty living/dining area.


The view from our balcony.


Our building and the biulding being constructed very loudly next door. In retrospect, we should've looked at the place on a weekday, not a quiet Sunday.


Lest you worry that we're living in another one-room apartment (at least it's a larger, cleaner, brighter room), rest assured that we also have two bedrooms, a bath & shower room, a laundry room, and a toilet. The toilet isn't one of those fancy space-age ones that warms and washes your bum, but that's a situation soon remedied.